The Loss Conservatives Deserve
How Online Conservatives' Neuroses and Problems Cause Them to Lose
In Kindergarten, I remember learning about George Washington and Virginia. It was one of the first times I learned about the world that existed outside my perception. Things happened without me, around me, and far away from me. My horizons were expanded, then I went back to a daily activity.
I can’t imagine how my little brain would react to something like this.
This is an excerpt from the Woke Kindergarten website, specifically its section on teaching Palestine.
Is Woke Kindergarten is an “ecosystem?" A set of lesson plans? A vibe? It’s hard to discern what is a lesson plan is for students and what is a thought experiment for teachers and other people interested in the program.
Woke Kindergarten recently made the news for being introduced to a Bay Area school and making it worse. It’s been mocked to death, but that’s not why I am talking about it.
Mainstream conservatives will see this, and their only takeaways will be the wrong ones.
I’m sure in the near future, some conservative influencers will come up with “Anti-woke Kindergarten." A program all about teaching kids that there are only two genders, marriage is between a man and a woman, and some other stupid conservative talking point.
It will get one or two contracts in Idaho or Texas; the creator will do a circuit of conservative podcasts; it will die, and fade into memory, only brought up by the kids it was inflicted upon.
No mainstream conservative has the brains or the will to look at Woke Kindergarten and come up with a cheap reading and math intervention that will actually help children learn the skills they desperately need.
Mainstream conservatism is so terminally online that they’d rather score internet points against “the wokes” than actually help the children they claim to want to help.
Bud Light, Trump, and The Border
In April 2023, Dylan Mulvaney released the Bud Light ad. The ad that sent conservatives into a tail spin.
I talked about it a little bit in my piece, The Fatal Flaws of American Conservatism, specifically the Cultural Backfoot section.
Why the turn-around? Why the forgiveness?
Jeff Miller, a lobbyist on Anheuser-Busch’s payroll, is hosting a fundraiser for Trump in March.
Donald Trump reversed a conservative cultural win for campaign money.
Anheuser-Busch even experienced a jump in their stock price after his post. His slobbering sycophants pulled a 180 and followed his instructions.
Pathetic.
The GOP is so beholden to Trump that they will intentionally lose to satisfy his wishes.
He murdered an immigration bill. A major campaign issue for Republicans, after growing support around Governor Greg Abbot and his actions at the border, a bill that would’ve helped solve it. MURDERED because Trump, said so.
The man is poison to his party, and Republicans seem hellbent on building their brand around him.
Taylor Swift, Catturd, and The Terminally Online
Taylor Swift is a big deal. With her and the Super Bowl, conservatives were bound to turn this into some bizarre cultural war point.
They did.
It has to some form of autism.
It can’t just be a football game. It has to be a political issue to fight about on the internet. I’m sure some boomers will stroll in here talking about how the NFL went “gay” first.
Yeah, the left wing set the tempo and forced you to dance along. While you were sitting back and whining about what color the little mermaid was or some stupid shit, they went ahead and did something.
Now conservatives are reacting in the worst way possible, handing the left win after win.
In an alternate timeline, Taylor Swift could vote Republican. She’s a very wealthy white woman from a swing state whose was a country singer before she became a pop star.
Now? I’d bet my life savings she doesn’t vote that way.
The Biden campaign already has a strategy for getting her endorsement. Her opinion will swing the votes of millions of women.
What do conservatives have to do to counter this?
According to The Blaze, Catturd.
Who is Catturd? If you don’t know, you’re not missing out. Catturd or Phillip Buchanan, is a boomercon influencer whose a following on Twitter.
Phil doesn’t compare to Taylor Swift. Albin Sadar, the author of the article, thinking he does is emblematic of how terminally online American Conservatism is.
Some old guy posting dog shit on Twitter can’t and will never compare to the pop star of a generation. Albin Sadar and The Blaze think that the EXISTENCE of Catturd is evidence of some "silent majority" pushback against the “woke” mainstream culture. It isn’t.
There is an entire world of people outside the Internet, especially outside of Twitter and Rumble. These people don’t give a fuck about Phil or his stupid Twitter account.
I was going to break down the numbers of how much Taylor Swift squashes Phil. Phil doesn’t have the reach, variety of platforms, or even the numbers to figurehead a silent majority.
Conservatives don’t have Taylor Swift. They have Kid Rock, a washed-up one-hit wonder. They have Caitlin Jenner, a washed-up athlete that most GOP voters probably don’t like. They have Oliver Anthony, another one-hit wonder with an obviously astroturfed career.
I’m willing to bet that 2024 ends with Biden winning again. Not because he’s the superior candidate, but because he is the lesser of two evils.
Because Conservatives have worked around the clock to support a losing candidate they should’ve abandoned years ago.
Because they have a losing strategy.
Because they have worked to lose.
And when they lose, it will be all their fault.